Childhood Memories
by Namacub95
Summary: It was mid-winter when a small carriage pulled up to Highever's gates. The sky was grey, heavily overcast, and snow had begun to fall gently, as Serra remembered it. AU - What if Alistair grew up with the Couslands rather than at the monastery.


It was mid-winter when a small carriage pulled up to Highever's gates. The sky was grey, heavily overcast, and snow had begun to fall gently, as Serra remembered it. She was two weeks shy of her eighth nameday and it had been a month after Fergus' eleventh and both of them had been cooped up inside by the fire with Nan on Mother's orders but that didn't stop their curiosity. They watched everything unfold eagerly from the window whilst Nan clucked her tongue at them both. Try as their mother did to stop them listening to the gossiping of the servants, it was impossible to ignore the news. There was a new boy coming to live with them from Redcliffe.

It wasn't that unusual, after all, Rory had already been living with them for a year and a half for his squire training. Children being sent to other Banns and Arls was commonplace…but this time was different and her young mind didn't really understand why back then.

The boy who stepped out of the carriage was only slightly older than her, fair haired and skinny despite being bundled under a cloak two sizes too big for him. There was a man with him too, he was the Arl's younger brother she had later learned, and he talked with her father for a few minutes while the boy stared around.

Serra never remembered anyone looking half as miserable as he did in her whole life.

* * *

The boy's name was Alistair and for the first few weeks he barely spoke a word to anyone. He avoided everyone like they were plagued and instead snuck off at every opportunity not to be seen again for hours at a time. His clothes were constantly filthy, particularly around the elbows and knees like he had done nothing but crawl through dirt in them, and either too small for him or too large.

Father said that Alistair would need some time to adjust, that his coming to live with them was all very sudden and that they should treat him kindly. It was easier to say than do when Alistair would glare or scream at them to leave him be.

Fergus had tried to coax him into games and interact with him when they and Rory were being taught swordsmanship but Alistair seemed as indifferent then as he did usually, but less hostile with the adults around. Serra, however, wasn't allowed to go with the boys and practice with wooden swords, she was a lady and therefore was either learning in the library with Aldous or sitting with Mother learning the finer arts of courtly manners. She hated it more than anything in the world.

One afternoon she managed to sneak away before her Mother could find her and ran to the stables with Fergus' wooden practice sword that she had stolen. It was too heavy for her to lift properly but that didn't deter her one bit. She'd rather try her hand at being a warrior any day than have to sit through more embroidery and learning how to sit just right.

The stables were deserted and so she decided to test her skills by hacking on the bales of hay left out to feed the horses. Each swing nearly unbalanced her until she heard a voice call out.

"What are you doing?" she whirled around to face Alistair who was sitting atop another bale of hay just out of sight. It was the first time she remembered seeing him without a glare or a pout, instead he looked at her with something between confusion and interest.

"Training." She replied, she didn't even glance in his direction, hacking once more with her wooden sword at the bale of hay.

"You're holding it wrong, you know." He leapt from the bale of hay he'd been sitting on an approached her. He seemed to be cautious like he didn't know if she would lash out at him for doing so.

"Well if you're so smart, you do it!" she groused, trying to adjust her grip without him seeing.

He took her hand surprisingly gently and moved it until he seemed satisfied. They stayed in the stables until the stable hands chased them out. Mother had been furious with her and she'd sent half the servants looking for her. Father on the other hand just smiled, ruffled her hair and on her next nameday bought her a bow.

* * *

Before Alistair came to Highever, Serra had never heard the word 'bastard' before. She was a master of overhearing what she shouldn't and the servants were her favourite targets. They always spoke freely when they believed no one could hear them and whenever Alistair came up in conversation, they always referred to him as 'the bastard' or 'the little bastard'. The first time she heard someone call Alistair that to his face, he punched the stable boy and broke his nose.

She didn't know what about that word infuriated her friend so and Fergus was always reluctant to explain to her what it meant. The servants fascination with Alistair only grew after Bann Teagan stayed at Highever for a few weeks one spring.

"_I heard he's the Arl's own flesh an' blood._" One servant murmured as she cleaned out the fireplace in Serra's room "_He got 'imself a missus and sent the little bastard packin'! S'pose he didn't want his lady to think he'd been dallying with some scullery maid._"

"_I reckon he's the Bann's._" The other servant replied "_I mean, look at how he treats the boy! No one just comes and stays at a Teryn's castle for a bastard! He even brought him a proper sword for his nameday! There's no way they ain't related by blood._"

Serra knew that Alistair originally lived with the Arl of Redcliffe before he came to live with them but Alistair was always sparse on details. There was obviously something that Alistair didn't want to speak about and the only person from Redcliffe he seemed to enjoy the company of was Bann Teagan.

Eventually, she went to her father. To her, he knew everything so surely he would know what bastard meant and why it applied to Alistair. She didn't expect the reaction that she got.

"Pup, where did you hear that?" Father asked, his face serious.

"From the servants..." She answered, staring down at her feet. She would be in trouble, she knew it, she always got in trouble for eavesdropping.

"Which servants? Do you know their names?" Father continued.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, Pup." Father reassured "No, but I do need to know who those servants were."

When she told Father the names of the servants, they were sent from the castle. Serra never heard any whispers about Alistair's parentage again.

* * *

Aldous was always annoyed but there was something about Alistair that seemed to irk him even more than usual. He had originally tutored Fergus, Rory and Alistair all together because they were the same age but eventually he demoted Alistair and tutored him with her instead. 'Far too scatter-brained', he declared.

In some ways, Serra was glad he was now being tutored with her because before that point she'd been on her own. Plus, Alistair always seemed to be able to derail the lesson and end up talking about the Grey Wardens.

"Now, here you'll find the Anderfels, just there above Nevarra and Orlais—"Aldous droned, pointing to the country on the large map.

"Isn't that where Weisshaupt is?" Alistair pipped up. Serra smiled at that, she knew what was coming even as old Aldous glared.

"Yes, young man, it is but as I was saying—"

"That's the headquarters of the Grey Wardens! I heard that you can still see the place where they used to keep the griffins!" Alistair bowled on, ignoring Aldous' growing displeasure.

"Really? Where'd you hear that?" Serra asked, half because the subject interested her and half because irking Aldous was entertaining.

"In a book." Alistair replied, his grin widening. He always loved talking about the Grey Wardens; it seemed to be one of the few subjects that could get him talking for hours "It said that they still keep the old pens intact even though all the griffins died out!"

"That's amazing!"

"I know! I wish I could—"

"Right! Alistair, that is enough!" Aldous yelled, exasperation thick in his voice "I will have you pay attention to this lesson and not witter on and on about those damnable Grey Wardens!"

It was as if a switch had flipped and Alistair's face turned from excited wonder to furious in less than a second. Serra immediately shut her own mouth, she knew that a fight was brewing. This could get ugly very quickly and Aldous was not above using force to keep his pupils in line.

"But you're the one always saying we should pay attention to history!" Alistair yelled back "The Grey Wardens are part of history! They saved us! We wouldn't be here if they didn't stop the Blights!"

"Young man, I have had enough of your loutish behaviour!" Aldous growled, moving to hover imposingly over Alistair "Either you will sit down and pay attention to your lesson or I shall send for the quartermaster to beat some respect into you!"

"You don't teach us anything interesting and you yell at us when we get the smallest thing wrong!"

"Whether you enjoy my lessons or not you must still learn them! Fantasising about Grey Wardens will get you nowhere in life!" Serra could feel the argument reaching it's climax and despite wanting to back Alistair, she knew she had no place in this particular fight.

"You're wrong!" Alistair burst out, fury clearly evident in his features "I'm going to be a Grey Warden and I'll prove you wrong!"

After that the quartermaster was called as Aldous had threatened. Alistair didn't appear for dinner that night and Serra found him sitting in the stables on his own.

"I'm going to be a Grey Warden." Alistair told her when she sat down beside him "I'm going to be the best Grey Warden there ever was."

* * *

Things began changing when they reached their teenage years. Suddenly Serra was no longer a child and could do as she pleased, she was now a lady with duties and burdened with her mother's hopes of a good marriage. Alistair went from a squire to a knight alongside Fergus and Rory and they had their own duties to perform.

Still, the easy companionship that had sustained them from childhood remained and Serra was grateful for it.

When she was fifteen and Alistair seventeen, Fergus married. Rory was sent back to his home in the Bannorn not long after that and soon it was just them both in Highever as Fergus split his time between his home and Oriana's home in Antiva City. Without both of them, Highever was quieter. There was no more sparing in the courtyard, no japes over dinner and instead there was loneliness and silence. Except for Alistair, he stayed.

Bann Teagan visited nearly every spring, staying for a few weeks and then leaving again. As they got older, Alistair told her that Teagan continued to try and convince him to come back to Redcliffe permanently. According to Alistair, he wanted to prove to Arl Eamon that sending Alistair away had been a mistake on his part, considering he had grown into a fine young man.

"Are you planning to leave then?" Serra asked, unable to keep the sadness from her voice. She knew that Highever had enough knights to spare one more but she had hoped that Alistair would stay.

"No," Alistair replied, his eyes focused on something in the distance. It was obvious that his thoughts were miles away "Arl Eamon had his chance with me and he threw me out as soon as he had a decent excuse. I love Teagan but there isn't anything he could say that would change my mind. Highever is my home now."

Secretly, Serra was pleased that he preferred Highever to Redcliffe, it gave her hope that Alistair would be one of the few people to leave.

* * *

In the autumn there came word that a Grey Warden was coming to Highever. Serra never thought she'd meet a Grey Warden and the news spread around the castle like wildfire. There was a nearly tangible air of curiosity and suspicion in equal measures. She and Alistair were kept out of the way as the preparations began but both of them were excited.

"What do you think he's coming here for?" She asked, staring out over the castle's battlements. It was the day before the Grey Warden was meant to arrive "Grey Wardens don't just turn up out of the blue."

"Recruiting, probably." Alistair answered "They can recruit whoever they want, it makes sense they might look where the best trained knights are. At least...that's what I hope."

Alistair was twenty and she eighteen and yet it was just like when he was ten and she only eight. It made her smile to see him so happy and hopeful. It had always been his dream to become a Grey Warden and that hadn't faded as he grew older.

"Hope so?" She laughed "You planning to run off to be a Grey Warden?"

Alistair grinned at her "Grey Wardens only recruit the best, they'd be more likely to pick you than me."

The Grey Warden's name was Duncan and the night before he left Highever he announced that Alistair was going to be recruited by the Grey Wardens. They would be leaving at first light the next morning.

That night Serra stole a bottle of wine from the cellar and made her way to the stables intending to get very drunk. She wanted to be happy for her friend but all she could think of was the fact that in the morning he would ride out of Highever and she would never see him again. At least the alcohol would numb the pain for a short time.

It wasn't long before Alistair found her, she could have chosen a better hiding spot than their hiding spot. He didn't say anything, he simply sat down beside her, took the bottle from her hand and took a swig.

"You're angry at me." He said

"No." She replied, frowning down at her hands "It was your greatest dream. What friend would I be to stop you?"

He nodded a little at that "If I could, I would've came back to see you."

But I can't, it went almost without saying. Grey Wardens had to cut all ties with their previous lives and for Alistair that meant Highever and her.

"I know." She said with a sigh, finally looking up at him "It's just...I'll miss you. I care about you."

"I care about you too."

She can't remember who kissed who first but she did remember that she liked it. She thinks she had wanted to do it for a while and in light of that day's events it was now or never.

When she woke up the next morning she was sleeping in Alistair's bed. Her memory was foggy but she did remember warmth and the feel of Alistair's mouth on her own.

He was already gone and she remembered crying herself to sleep that night.

* * *

Six months later saw her arguing with Father. Highever's forces had been mobilised due to the threat of darkspawn in the south, King Cailan had set up camp at Ostagar to be the front line stoping them from rampaging through Ferelden.

"I don't see why I must stay here." She said "I can help! I can fight! I'm the best marksman you have, you said it yourself."

Her father sighed, she had been pushing to join him and Fergus since the letter arrived at Highever but he had stood firm. She would be staying in Highever whilst he and Fergus would ride out with their men.

"I don't doubt that you can fight, Pup, but I need you here. The castle must keep running while I am fighting. If the worst comes to pass, Maker forbid, someone needs to prepare for Fergus becoming teyrn."

"If you take me with you then I could stop that from happening."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Father knew she wouldn't back down, this was an old argument.

"It is done. I will be riding out to meet Fergus at Ostagar and you will be staying here. Your mother will stay a while then leave, Highever will be under your charge until either I or Fergus return." He said and with that Serra knew it was final, this was Teryn Bryce Cousland speaking not her father but his face softened as he added "There will be other chances to prove yourself, Pup. No one doubts you but with luck you won't need a war to show your skill."

In the end, it didn't matter as Howe showed himself a traitor that night. If she hadn't fled on the behest of her dying father, Serra was sure she would have died alongside her family and everyone she had known from childhood. It was a small miracle she managed to escape with only minor wounds. Her luck held out and she met travellers on their way to Ostagar. Now she had to get to Fergus, he was all she had left and she would be damned if she lost him too.

For a moment, her mind flitted to Alistair, she was glad he had left six months ago or he would likely be dead too. It was the first time she had thought of him since the weeks after his departure, keeping her mind occupied stopped the grief from surfacing but now it threatened to consume her. She wished she could have had longer with him, she wished she could have his arms around her again.

So when she strode into Ostagar, looking like a common beggar with her hair streaked with ash and her face smothered in dirt, the last person she expected to see was Alistair.

"Serra!" He called to her, happiness and shock battling for dominance. All she could do was throw her arms around him and weep.

Serra was glad she had him. She dare not think what life would have been like without him.


End file.
